Movie Review...of sorts: New Moon.

New Moon suck balls.

Yes, I’ve watched it. In a fucking cinema. And it is one of the biggest regret of my life. Seriously.

This is gonna be a review of sorts so if you haven’t watched it yet and is planning to, there will be some spoilers. You’ve been warned.

Ok, first of all, is it just me or is Edward and Bella a couple of fucking retards? I mean what the fuck man?

Every time those two opened their mouth to speak, I felt like I was subjected to physical pain. Shit, as far as bad acting goes, it won’t get anymore worse than this man. Hopefully, cause there’s still two more movies coming out from the Twilight Saga.

The worst thing, THE WORST FUCKING THING, though is that this was supposed to be a movie about vampires and werewolves. VAMPIRES and WEREWOLVES. Shit, those two words are enough to make you assume shit. I was under the impression that there’ll be some awesome brawling ala Underworld or someshit but no, no, no, no, they just have to portray vampires as some shiny, pathetic, hermaphrodite looking motherfuckers and werewolves as some weird ass freaks who walk around with nothing on except shorts. I mean come on! This ain’t no gay porno foo!

What the fuck man? What the fuck? Shirtless? Really?

When I shared my grievance about this one thing about the movie, the answer I got was this: “It’s so that they won’t have to waste a lot of shirts” or some shit along those lines.

Oh yeah, and ¾ jeans cost less than some fucked up t-shirt huh? Get real mate. If you really want to prove that point, why don’t you have them werewolves walk around naked man?

And there’s this one scene, this one scene man, it’s just on another new level of retardation man. Check this out: so, Bella and Edward and Alice were at this vampire covenant bullshit, homo looking dome-ish round room where they were called upon to face the Volturi or someshit AFTER the bitch Edward tried to get himself killed due to heartbreak ( to those of you who haven’t watched this sad excuse for cinematography yet, I shit you not). So yeah, one thing led to another and shit got out of hand, bla bla bla, and they were going to be killed or whatever and suddenly Alice told them someshit about Bella being a vampire in the future and so one of the Volturi looked into her mind to see whether or not she was lying and they showed this one scene where that fucktard Edward was jogging in the woods shining like he just left fucking Tiffany’s of someshit. And this scene lasted for about 10 seconds. TEN FUCKING SECONDS OF NOTHING BUT A SHINY HOMO MOTHERFUCKER RUNNING LIKE SOME MORON IN A JUNGLE. And then…oh yes, there’s more. They just won’t let you off that easily man. And then, out pops Bella from behind some tree, shining just like she’s got fucking LED lights strapped all over her body, joining fucking Edward running in a jungle.

Dude, trust me, that was the longest 15 or so seconds in the history of cinematography. Hands-fucking-down. I was sitting there, regretting my decision to even allow myself to buy that goddamned ticket, wondering what the fuck was happening man. I mean, I get the point they were trying to make: that Bella has finally turned into a vampire, proven by her god awful shining skin. But running in a jungle? For a second I almost thought I was watching some exceptionally bad Bollywood production man. Seriously though, I didin’t and still don’t get the whole point of the running in a jungle part.

Shit man, put a shot of him kissing her in the sun or someshit, I don’t fucking care. But running in a jungle? Fuck man, the whole movie was bad, with a capital B, but that scene man, it summed up the whole fucked-upness of it all. Running in a jungle. What the fuck is this? Some healthy living ad? Kannineh.

Though I have to admit, the werewolves were actually kinda badass. But that’s about it as far as good comes to this movie.

I dunno man, I just feel like the fucking director or whoever was in charge tried to do too much with this film. Ok, I'll admit, I haven’t read the books. So I can’t say much about the adaptation part though if the movie is anything to go by, well, all I can say is that it’s one fucked up series and whoever the fuck claims it to be good is a fucking retard (yes Bu Zahidah, that includes you too).

And there I was, thinking Twilight was fucked up. I’m not gonna lie, I’m going to go and watch the next two movies. But this time, I’m gonna go not because I’m a giggling little bitch who drools over that retard but I’m gonna go just to see whether or not shit can get shittier.

Oh, and I’m gonna read the books too. Just so that at the end of it all, I can sit down and write a book titled “1000 Reasons Why Twilight Fans Should Go To Hell…Literally.”

And whatever is wrote above does not have anything to do with the soon-to-be dead or already dead or a shiny vampire or a loser werewolf. Just my two cents. So, if you have the need to defend that mongoloid Edward-fucking-Cullen, please write it down on a piece of paper and post it to me so that I can wipe my ass after a huge dump with it.

Cheers.

YNWA!

Say what you want.

Call me names, however you like.

Shit on my pride, stomp on the motherfucker, piss on it and chuck it out of the window.

Do what you want, write what you want.

But.

I'll proudly scream out with all my heart:

I'LL NEVER STOP BELIEVING! COME WHAT MAY, FOREVER AND ALWAYS!

YNWA!

Fuck you too.

Ego-ku! Ego-ku! Pukimak Kau Lah!

I used to be a REALLY fucked up human being. Ok, maybe to some, I'm still am. So what? Do i look like I give a flying fuck?

Yeah well, I got a stage where I almost hated myself and when that shit happened, I changed my ways. It took awhile but, yeah, I think I can safely say that I am a better person now. Slight as it may be.

But the one thing I wasn't able to change was my inability to NOT react to stupidity. I don't have a fucking clue why but stupid people simply infuriates me. And don't misunderstand, I don't mean stupid as in 2 + 2 = 5 kind of stupid. I mean the real stupid fuckers out there like them Hypocritical Sexists Bastards or Retarded Show-Offs. I mean those assholes who do stupid, not to mention pointless, things and are proud of it. Them motherfuckers.

Yeah, I just had this innate need to react to them fucks. I don't know why but stupidity just gets under my skin.

So I react. In so many different ways man. I just had to. It gave me some sort of psychological satisfaction. I got high on that shit.

Then one night, I had one of my drunken epiphanies.

Reacting to stupidity just makes me as stupid. It just means that I am stupid enough to let redundant ass shit effect me.

It's all our egos after all. Yeah, it's our egos that motivate us to do most of the stupid shit we do. If you ever find yourself feeling superior to someone someway or another, it's just your ego barking like he's top dog in the background.

It's the same thing when I find myself in the presence of someone who's in the process of doing something stupid. My ego automatially senses it like some kind of fucking radar, and immediately it begins to device a way to show it's superiority by fucking with said moron one way or another.

See? It's the ego man.

Your own ego will be your ultimate downfall.

So now, I do my best to distance myself from anything that resembles stupidity.

That's my strategy.

But as hard as I try, I do stumble across the occasional stupidity and yes, it still irritates me. But I don't react in the same way I did before. Now, all I do is keep my trap shut and when I get the chance, I'll bitch about it to someone neutral, someone who isn't and won't be affected by it.

And if I don't get that chance, or if the level of stupidity is insanely retarded, I sit in a corner and have what psychologists/psychiatrists call autistic fantasies.

Basically it means I sit down, smoke and have exaggerated or excessive daydreams about fucking up said fucktard's life. BIG FUCKING TIME.

It really helps. It keeps my ego in check. Cause the fact of the matter is, the ego is smart. But it's not THAT smart. You just have to find a way to satisfy it's hunger to be all high and mighty.

So there you go folks. Consider myself retired. I'm too old for this bullshit.

Now I'm off to go get drunk and hope to get some other weird ass epiphany.

Cheers mates.

Aku Perlu Kentut...

Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai Cibai


Ah, lega.

Cheers.

Of time, life and miserable cunts.

The world goes round at a constant speed.

Time goes by at a constant speed.

Relativity? Well, yeah sure it happens but that’s just your brain fucking up with your perception of reality.

What’s my point?

Well, my point is that there’s no point in being positive or negative. Or rather, there’s no point in being so engrossed in neither the past nor the future.

You see, by being positive, or rather, by being someone who plans ahead of time, all you’re doing is trying to get ahead of the pack. Indirectly, all you’re trying to do is outrun time. Which is futile unless you’re Barry Allen.

The same goes by being negative. Always thinking about the past is useless because time, the ancient motherfucking biatch, passes without a care in the world as to who the fuck you are.

Life is life. It goes on whether or not you’re ready.

I ain’t saying planning is all that bad. It’s just that shit happens. The future is a dark uncertain place and planning on it is like betting on Malaysia in the World Cup. It’s kind of stupid. All you can do is have a general outline as to where you expect to be in the near future but even then, don’t put too much expectation on it because like I said, shit happens.

Also, I ain’t suggesting that you abandon your past. The past is valuable in that it teaches you about certain things and that you are who you are because of the shit you’ve been through in the past. All I’m saying is that it’s kinda retarded to go around living your life while dragging all the excess baggage. Because that’s all the past is: excess baggage.

The best thing, to me, is to just chill and take on life as it goes. Make decisions base on where you are in life.

If you succeed, then good for you.

If you fail, such is life. Learn from that shit, let it go and move the fuck on.

Never, never let a single mistake dictate the way you live for the rest of your life.

Take me for example, I never ever planned on doing medicine. Life was going on for me and I got into some shit that I wasn’t supposed to and I ended up here, doing fucking medicine. Yeah I was bitter for awhile but then I realized that I’m already here. So I pulled myself together and decided to give it a go. I decided to make the best that I could out of all this shit as opposed to be a bitter fucking failure.

I ain’t gonna lie, the bitterness do come back once in awhile to try to demoralize me. Reminding me of all the shit that I left. And sometimes, I do feel the urge to give up and say fuck it but I reminded myself that even if I gave up, there ain’t shit waiting for me back home anyways. All the shit I left has since moved on and so should I. So, I bitch slapped bitterness back into that damned hole it came from.

Also, just remember that whatever you get in life, is on you. Not God, not luck, not fate. You motherfucker, you.

I’ll illustrate an example based on my life as a student.

If I study, I’ll pass. If I study hard, I’ll get a better grade. If I don’t study, I’ll fail.

That’s all there is to it. That’s the universal truth.

What varies is the amount of studying needed for me to pass/get a better grade.

I’m lucky because all throughout my life, I’ve always known my limit. That’s why I can afford to jack around like a fool and still pass my bloody exams.

But don’t get me wrong, I still fuck up sometimes. Again, shit happens.

And to those who cry “That’s not fair!”, well, fuck you. I’m lucky to be smart. That’s my lot in life.

You don’t see me running around like a retarded prick when someone manages to master the guitar in a month do you? That’s their gift and I accept it.

And besides, I do study when I have to. That’s the thing man, you have to know your limits. If last minute studying don’t work for you, then don’t fucking do it. You’ll just end up a miserable fucking cunt.

And like I said, if you fail, learn from it. Don’t mope over it because it’s in the past. You failED. ED, past fucking tense. Ain’t shit you can do about it.

Ah, rambling about all this has made me hungry.

Cheers.

Good ol' Malaysia.

Back to egypt. Yeeeeeaaaaah!!!

Fuck that.

I'm back to the same old shit i left and frankly, I'd be lying if i say i don't miss Malaysia. Good ol' Malaysia.

I mean, I'm not emotional. Far from it. Somebody once told me that I'm a machine that has no ability to feel. That should give you an insight.

On second thought, she might have said it because I told her she was a fat, ugly bitch. Well, fuck that.

Back to me missing good ol' Malaysia. Yeah, I do miss it.

What do I miss the most?

It's the freedom to do whatever the fuck I want.

Next comes being with people that really fucks me up. In a good way.

So yeah, I'd say that I definitely miss being there.

A lot.

Well, such is life. Now I'm gonna go take a huge shit.

Peace!

Bajingan Emo

Fakta

Aku benci orang yang emo tak tentu pasal.

Contoh 1

Situasi: 5 orang (A,B,C,D,E) hendak ikut pergi ke kedai hardware untuk membeli beberapa peralatan dan juga untuk pergi mengambil lauk yang banyak nak mampus dari satu kedai makanan.

Masalah: A, B dan E tidak tahu jalan ke kedai makanan. C dan D tahu. Memandangkan muatan barangan yang banyak, jika 5 orang ikut dalam kereta yang boleh membawa 5 orang, ianya akan digelar kerja bodoh. So, A dan B harus pergi. Jadi, C berkata kepada D dan E, "Weh, kereta tak muat la nak masuk kita semua. Tambah barang lagi, so you guys tak payah pergi lah. OK?"

Reaksi seorang yang berkapasiti otak normal: "Oh, ye ke? Takpe lah camtu."

Reaksi bajingan emo: *Pandang slack sambil membisikkan maki hamun kepada C dan storm off macam lahanat*

Reaksi C kepada bajingan emo: *menahan sedaya upaya rasa nak kasi satu shot terus ke muka bajingan emo*

Contoh 2

Situasi: P dan Q sedang berdiri di luar rumah.

Masalah: P sedang memegang sesuatu (Sebuah beg contohnya) dan tiba-tiba teringat yang dia terlupa mengambil sesuatu (Dompet contohnya) dari dalam bilik. Jadi, dia berkata kepada Q, "Weh, pegang jap beg ni."

Reaksi seorang yang berkapasiti otak normal: "Kenapa? Dompet kau? Oh ok."

Reaksi bajingan emo: *Pandang slack sambil membisikkan maki hamun kepada P dan mengambil beg tersebut dengan ganasnya/ dengan reaksi yang amat cibai*

Reaksi P kepada bajingan emo: *menahan rasa mahu dropkick bajingan emo terus ke dasar laut*

Konklusi

Aku benci bajingan yang emo tak tentu hala. Seriously. Kalau tak suka kata la tak suka, nak emo macam tengah PMS apa kes? Motherfucker betul.